found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You were trust falling into bushes
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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