1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
