Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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