he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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