i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
