these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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