I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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