...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
