You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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