Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
