My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize