I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize