im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize