as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
