So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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