Don't make out with my wife yet
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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