i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
