Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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