matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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