I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
