she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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