I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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