he wants to bone in the snuggie
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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