You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
