I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
