Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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