OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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