Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
