i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
