I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
