I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
