After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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