So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
