my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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