By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
