im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
