I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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