It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
