4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize