So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
