I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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