there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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