yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
