I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
