Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
