whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
