Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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