i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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