Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
