I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
