I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
