Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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