I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
