I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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