my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Found your dick twin last night
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
