I looked at my own cervix.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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