It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
