she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
