flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
