I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
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