It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
