when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
