dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
