just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I want a musical about memes.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
