I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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