He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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