I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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