forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
