Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
