I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
