I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
