im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
