I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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