don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
