I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
