You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
