a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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