if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
