did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I look better un-naked...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
