Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
