apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
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