fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
