i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
