sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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