Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Me too!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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