i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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