Kiss
Puke
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
