I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
