How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
